Humans rank 6th in Takoma Park’s Ranking of Human Rights, Dogs Remain #1

The Universal Human Rights Index (UHRI) published its annual rankings this week, with several surprises for Takoma Park, Maryland. According to the publishing, Humans actually fell two spots from 2018, and are now ranked 6th.

Topping the chart for 17 of the past 18 years, when the rankings were first published, are Dogs. The only year Dogs did not place number one was 2014, when the city decided to delay the opening of its first dog park.

Trees were also unchanged in the rankings at second place, as they were found to enjoy unlimited freedoms, even when pushing over houses and retaining walls. The only factor for keeping them out of the top spot was euthanasia rights, a quality of life issue that dogs are able to benefit from.

A tie for third place goes to Parking Lots and 7-11 Convenient Stores, both entering the top five this year after the Great Junction War of 2018. Policies created in 2019 have strengthened these two categories to protect them from evil developers and corrupt politicians trying to improve their cities.

A surprising drop this year from third place down to fifth place is Historic Windows. As the threat of climate change grows, Historic societies are now grappling with energy efficiency policies that could weaken historic guidelines. Historic Preservation committees, however, are still fighting against climate change policies, as they feel historically accurate wooden sash profiles are much more important than human survival.

Humans dropped two spots from 2018, and continue to lower in the rankings. If trends continue, look for policital yard signs, now in 7th place, to pass Humans in 2020, especially as the Democratic Primaries heat up.