SILVER SPRING – According to Republican sources, a forensic search of Hunter Biden’s laptop has revealed thousands of classified messages from Hillary Clinton’s personal email server regarding Montgomery Councilmember Kristin Mink’s recent flat tire.
“It’s obvious this goes far deeper than just inflating some tires,” said local blogger Ross MacRyan of Moderately Minor Potatoes of MoCo. “We know there are emails and phone records linking all of this to Democrats at the top, so we’ll just keep digging until we find something that fits our pre-conceived narrative of what took place.”
The incident, nicknamed “Inflate-gate” by local conservative conspiracy theorists, took place last week when Councilmember Mink found herself stranded on a highway at night with a flat tire, just after leaving an event also attended by a local police commander. Mink allegedly reached out to Hillary Clinton for help, who then emailed Hunter Biden, who called his father to get the U.S. State Department to pressure Montgomery County police to put just enough air in her tires to drive to a nearby parking lot to wait for AAA and then take a bus home.
“This is the most important thing going on in the country right now, and we’re going to get to the bottom of this no matter how long it takes,” said House Speaker Kevin McCarthy (R-CA). “A police officer helping a pro-police reform Democrat by exerting a small amount of effort for something that’s in his literal job description just doesn’t make any sense. As a result, we’ve budgeted millions to thoroughly investigate this for the next four years.”
Unfortunately for House Republicans, the first round of congressional hearings on Inflate-gate have been delayed after it was revealed that most of the evidence of Mink’s correspondence with the police commander was destroyed when President Joe Biden ordered the Chinese spy balloon shot down.