WASHINGTON, D.C. – To honor the late Dolly Parton, President Trump announced Wednesday that all female White House staffers will be required to wear their shirts at half-staff through the end of the week.
Trump reportedly came up with the idea after asking aides what made Parton “such a tremendous star.”
“They told me it was the voice, the songwriting, the movies, the philanthropy,” Trump said. “But I said, ‘Come on, folks. We know there were other reasons people were watching. Everyone noticed. I certainly noticed.”
One female staffer enthusiastically embraced the order.
“As a Conservative Christian woman, I’m honored to defend freedom, celebrate Dolly, and exercise my God-given American freedom to wear whatever the President tells me to wear,” said aide Natalie Harp wearing a crop top at the maximum setting permitted by federal workplace regulations.
Trump later reportedly inspected the new dress code personally, telling aides that some employees were “doing a fantastic job” while others needed to “lower the neckline just a little bit more for Dolly.”
The White House denied that the policy was sexist.
“Absolutely not,” said an administration spokesperson. “The President respects women tremendously. He just believes they are particularly effective when positioned strategically.”
At press time, the administration was reportedly debating whether “9 to 5” should become the official federal work schedule or merely the required dress size range of women applying for a White House position.
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