Amplified Street Preacher Annoyed By Gas Leaf Blower Interrupting Sermon

SILVER SPRING, MD – Downtown’s most unignorable loudspeaker-using street preacher, Pastor Donny “Decibel” Daniels, is reportedly outraged after a gas-powered leaf blower allegedly disrupted his Sunday morning sermon in front of Chick-Fil-A on Ellsworth Drive.

“I stand here as a humble servant of God, warning the wicked: abandon thy fossil-fueled blower and pick up the righteous rake of salvation!” shouted Daniels into a 2,000 watt portable PA system. “The Lord parted the Red Sea, but even He would not attempt to part a pile of leaves with a gas blower on a Sunday!”

Daniels, whose sermons routinely register on seismographs as far away as Gaithersburg, accused the user of the leaf blower of creating an unholy racket that drowned out “the Word of the Lord,” while also making it difficult to hand out leaflets in 200 mph manufactured winds.

According to witnesses, Daniels abruptly paused mid-harangue and dialed the county noise hotline. “This leaf blower is an abomination!” he bellowed into both his microphone and his phone. “Jesus F@#$ing Christ, is anyone going to do something about this satanic sound?!”

Thanks to Montgomery County’s newly revised leaf-blower ban – which allows anyone to file a complaint about the use of a gas-powered leaf blower without providing a single shred of evidence – the county sprang into immediate action. With an urgency normally reserved for unpermitted lemonade stands, the County issued a $500 fine to the alleged offender – who was actually using an electric leaf blower.

“Honestly, we don’t need proof,” an inspector explained. “If someone in MoCo thinks they heard a gas blower, that’s good enough for us.”

When asked why no action was taken against Daniels’s sermon volume, County officials promised they would thoroughly investigate the matter just as soon as everyone provides enough thoughts and prayers.