TAKOMA PARK, MD – Modeling the success of the popular door-to-door compost collection effort, city officials have announced a new pilot program to provide a select number of residents with a special trash bin just for other neighbors to dispose of their dog waste.
“We’ve received many complaints about neighbors finding dog poop bags in the bottom of their regular trash cans and knew something had to be done,” said the Mayor. “We hope this pilot program will keep the peace, but also keep everyone’s trash bins clean and smelling great.”
The pilot program, called Preventing Outrage Over Petty Stuff (POOPS) will give trash bins to the 100 residents who complain the most about dog poop on local listservs. The receptacle shall remain out on the curb for any dog walker to use, especially on days with temperatures reaching 90 degrees and above.
While many homeowners lauded the pilot program, dog walkers were largely opposed.
“Ugh, what a total waste of time and resources that just misses the point,” said Alexa Cartwright. “If I can’t piss off a neighbor that I secretly hate while getting rid of my poop baggie, I might as well just carry it with me for 15 more minutes and put it in my own garbage bin.”
If successful, the POOPS pilot program could expand to every resident in Takoma Park. One city councilmember remained hopeful, stating that the program might “heal the city, especially when it comes to all the other more important shit we are dealing with right now.”