Parkway Deli’s Pickle Bar ‘Kind of Sucks’ Marc Elrich Says

SILVER SPRING, MD – Speaking at a District 18 Breakfast Club meeting at Parkway Deli Monday morning, County Executive Marc Elrich said the restaurant’s beloved free pickle bar “actually kind of sucks” and will be introducing legislation to change it.

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“They say the pickle bar is ‘free’ but really, you have to spend $15 on a reuben or an omelette to get the free pickles,” Elrich told the group with deli mustard on his half-tucked shirt. “No restauranteur is going to make pickles affordable in and of their own accord. The only way to get free pickles is leverage!”

Elrich said the deli’s long-time pickle bar serves only one group of people: those who make between 65% to 75% the area median income and “makes it very hard for lower income folks to eat a starter in this county.” Elrich then proposed legislation requiring truly free pickle bars throughout the county – even for non-paying customers – or no pickles for anyone.

“If you’re rich enough to get lox on your bagel, you shouldn’t be hoarding free pickles too,” Elrich added, before shoving a fistful of half-sours into his I Relish Single Family Zoning tote bag. “This county cannot survive another generation of pickle inequality.”

The proposed legislation, which Elrich says he plans to call the “Dill of Rights Act,” is expected to face stiff opposition from business owners, pickle enthusiasts, and Parkway Deli waitstaff who are tired of watching him double-fist brined vegetables during meetings.

Neighborhood associations are already mobilizing against the plan, warning that free pickles will “bring unwanted outsiders” into their communities. “Once you start giving away pickles, what’s next? Free coleslaw in our parking lots?” asked one resident, clutching a yard sign that read Stop Cramming More Pickles in MY Jar!