White Smoke Visible Over MoCo Democratic Central Committee Signals Filled Vacancy of Next Pope

ROCKVILLE, MD — A thick plume of white smoke rose above the Montgomery County Democratic Central Committee (MCDCC) office early this afternoon, signaling that committee members had taken it upon themselves to select the next pontiff following the sudden death of Pope Francis.

“Frankly, we’re very experienced at filling vacancies without elections,” said MCDCC Chair Pamela Luckett, donning an ornate Bishop’s miter she found at Party City. “Whether it’s a vacant House seat, a county council appointment, or now the Holy See, the process is simple: we meet in a small room, ignore public input entirely, and then congratulate ourselves for our wisdom.”

Sources inside the committee said the decision to elect the next Pope was made unanimously after realizing that in Maryland, their authority was so absolute that divine matters were simply the next logical step. “If we can pick your delegate without asking you, why couldn’t we pick the Vicar of Christ?” said Treasurer Edward Fischman, adjusting his ceremonial robes.

Eyewitnesses report committee members entered the MCDCC building armed with ballots, incense, and an oversized novelty gavel. After four hours of closed-door deliberations, punctuated only by catered platters of hummus and passive-aggressive Post-it notes, white smoke billowed from a hastily reconfigured HVAC vent.

While many county residents rejoiced after the quick decision, longtime critics of the MCDCC process noted the group’s escalating ambition. “This is just another example of a lack of transparency at MCDCC,” said Takoma Park resident Sally Peters, carrying a “Not in My Basilica” sign. “Now that they’ve taken it upon themselves to select the next Pope, what’s next? Our listserv and Facebook Group moderators?!”

Plans are already underway to install a permanent smoke machine over their Rockville office to signal all future decisions, including endorsements, school boundary redrawings, and whether Tuesday’s meeting should have pizza.