TAKOMA PARK, MD — In a historic show of unprecedented grassroots support, city council candidate Constance Komplanor celebrated an impressive milestone this week, announcing her 17th official endorsement from local coalitions. But in a twist that no one actually found surprising, it turns out all of these endorsements came from groups organized by the same five local residents.
Komplanor’s growing list of endorsements includes a colorful roster of hyper-specific local organizations, each designed to highlight a particular sliver of Takoma Park’s quirky concerns. Among her most notable backers are Local Experts Without Actual Expertise, Concerned Pet Sitters for Fair Pet Licensing, and Former Union Members Against Local Union Endorsements—the latter being just Bob Jenkins and his cat, Muffin, who recently retired from their post with the Takoma Park Gardening Union.
“This is the kind of authentic, multi-coalitional support that Takoma Park deserves,” Komplanor said, standing at a podium adorned with a huge banner listing all 17 coalition names. “Each one of these groups represents a unique, independent voice in our community, even if those voices all share a carpool to the farmer’s market.”
Komplanor also celebrated endorsements from Neighborhood Watch Watchers, who monitor the activities of Takoma Park’s overly zealous Neighborhood Watch volunteers, as well as Homeowners in Favor of Noise Reduction Except on Weekends, a coalition known for their vocal support of leaf blower restrictions from Monday to Friday only.
“I personally vouch for Constance,” said Marty Feldman, founder of People Against Overly Tall Mailboxes and Residents for a More Artisan Co-op, “I’m proud to stand with her along with my coalition, Bike Lane Enthusiasts for Responsible Lane Width.”
This growing list of endorsements has sparked minor controversy, however, as skeptical residents have raised concerns about the overlapping membership of these “coalitions.” In response, Komplanor’s campaign manager assured the public that, “Each group is distinct in mission and perspective. For instance, Takoma Park Fans of Flavored Seltzer are completely different from Sparkling Water Advocates for Fiscal Responsibility.” Both groups are reportedly run by Marsha Diggs, who clarified that “my loyalty shifts depending on the flavor of LaCroix in stock.”
At press time, Komplanor announced an 18th endorsement from The Coalition of Coalition Leaders Against Excessive Coalitions, a newly-formed group consisting of exactly four of the five residents behind her other endorsements.
