New Concrete Slab Deemed ‘Too Tall’ By City Residents

TAKOMA PARK, MD – NIMBYism has reached new heights in the city as longtime residents are up in arms over the construction of a newly poured concrete slab for being “too tall” for the neighborhood.

“It’s a skyscraper!” exclaimed Barry Bungalow, a self-proclaimed height expert. “This slab is way too high for our tastes and casts dangerous shadows on native weeds and insects that inhabit the construction site.”

The controversy began when photos of the slab, intended to support the new city library, were posted on Takoma Park’s official social media accounts and quickly incited a neighborhood rebellion. Residents mobilized into a protest group of anti-slabbers called “Downward Dogma” and armed themselves with signs reading, “This Project is a Slab in the Face!”

“Some people say we’re overreacting about the height of this slab,” said Constance Komplaner. “But just wait until they put a one story library on top of it. Then we’ll see who’s sorry when they can’t see the light of the sun ever again.”

When asked if they preferred to demolish the slab after millions of tax dollars had already been spent to reach this point during construction, protestors offered to let it remain only if the slab is converted to a parking lot.