Top 10 Things Available on Takoma Park’s ‘Buy Nothing’ Group This Week

Welcome to the Takoma Park Buy Nothing Group, where one man’s trash starts an all-out brawl to claim that treasure before someone else does. In this tight-knit community of anti-capitalists, we’re bringing you a top ten list to highlight the must-have items available right now. From the wonderfully odd to the ridiculously impractical, these offerings will challenge conventional notions of consumerism and inspire you to question why you ever thought you needed to buy things in the first place.

10. Pre-Loved Kale Smoothie: Experience the ultimate in sustainable nutrition with a partially consumed kale smoothie that promises to rejuvenate your taste buds and challenge your gag reflex.

9. Co-Op Scented Air Freshener: Bring the unmistakable aroma of Takoma Park’s favorite boutique grocery store to your car or living space. So strong and long-lasting, you’re guaranteed to use it once and then repost it on the Buy Nothing Group tomorrow.

8. Highly Collectible Pile of Old Takoma Park Newsletters: Dive into the fascinating world of vintage news with a stack of old newsletters that have been collecting dust for years. Who knows what important historical events you might uncover that will make you retroactively angry?

7. Slightly Dented Umbrella That Only Works on Sunny Days: Need a handy umbrella that will protect you from the sun but dissolve upon contact with water? Look no further! This special umbrella will keep you shaded during a heatwave but promptly retire on rainy days.

6. Random Curb-Alert Item Posted By Someone That Doesn’t Even Own It: Be sure to ask this person as many specific questions as you can about this item, and expect a prompt response with very detailed answers.

5. Hand-knit Socks for Succulents: Pamper your succulent collection with these fashionable, hand-knit socks. Because even plants need a little extra warmth and style during those chilly Takoma Park nights.

4. Abandoned Capitol Bikeshare Bike: Experience the thrill of navigating the streets of Silver Spring on a bikeshare ride that has been left to its own devices. Will you make your home its new docking station?

3. Recycled Cat Hair Blankets: Stay warm and environmentally conscious with these cozy blankets made entirely from locally sourced, gently collected cat hair. Each blanket comes with a complimentary lint roller.

2. Reusable Sustainable Cloth Toilet Paper (Fully Washed): Clean that undercarriage knowing that no trees will be harmed in the process. Many types of squares to spare.

1. Baby Fawn: Found near Sligo Creek. Comes with leash and recyclable poop baggies.