Takoma Park Residents Shocked To Discover Raising Taxes on the Wealthy Includes Themselves

TAKOMA PARK, MD – Upon hearing of the city’s proposed plan to increase property taxes, million-dollar homeowners demanding a highly progressive agenda paid for by increasing taxes on wealthier residents are furious to discover that includes themselves.

“I don’t think they understood what we meant,” said Gladys Wright, who recently received a tax credit for renovating her $1.4 million house in the historic district. “When we said ‘tax the hell out of rich people,’ we didn’t mean liberal rich people.”

The proposal comes as the increased cost of operating a progressive government agenda threatens to take the city’s budget into a deficit. The council hopes that raising property taxes 3.1 cents on every $1,000 of property value, equating to a 5.7% property tax increase, will solve the problem. With an additional tax of $26 dollars per month for homes valued at $1 million, the plan is not sitting well with many homeowners in the city who confuse their unwillingness to stop sharing a single Netflix account among all their friends with actually being in the middle or lower economic classes.

“Don’t get me wrong, I want Takoma Park to have lots of funds for the municipal services that this community of single-family homeowners values,” said Phillip McNeil. “I just don’t believe that single-family homeowners should have to pay for it.” Asked for an alternative proposal to shore up city tax revenue, McNeil indicated he was too busy opposing new revenue-generating commercial development in the city to develop his own tax plan.

Worried the backlash from wealthier residents could kill the property tax increase, city officials are already looking into other ways to raise revenue. Some ideas include adding tip screens on mobile parking meter apps, charging residents a per minute fee for speaking at city council meetings, and selling Ward 6 back to Prince George’s County.