ROCKVILLE, MD – Even though egg prices are through the roof, County Executive Marc Elrich stands firmly opposed to the construction of accessory chicken coops in homeowners’ backyards, claiming the creation of more eggs will do nothing to reduce prices.
“The fact is, we can’t lay our way out of this egg shortage,” said Elrich, trying to eggsplain how supply and demand works. “We don’t need more private sector eggs produced by the neoliberal poultry development complex for luxury customers – we just need to protect the naturally occurring affordable eggs we already have.”
Elrich, who ran on a universal hard boiled egg platform in his bid for reelection, has threatened to use his executive powers to pass the Cock Block Amendment (CBA 19-01) to restrict private chicken coops. If approved, thousands of residents, mostly in Takoma Park, will have to demolish their coops, hand over their chickens to county authorities, and delete their smug Facebook posts rubbing the fact that they don’t have to pay $9 a carton in everyone’s faces.
“I don’t believe in trickle-down eggonomics: the law of supply and demand for eggs only happens at the top,” said Elrich. “We can’t have wealthy land owners creating their own private egg market when they should be waiting in long lines with everyone else to receive a government-provided egg ration.”
Elrich then went on to explain how accessory chicken coops will only serve the wealthiest bed and breakfasts while doing nothing to solve the county’s need for more affordable breakfast. He said he’s “not interested in setting up more meet-cute brunches for millennials demanding aparagus goat cheese fritattas.”
When asked how egg prices can be reduced without increasing supply, Elrich remained defiant. “More chickens is not the solution. Montgomery County has already approved the production of millions of eggs on our ag reserve. All these lazy chickens need to do is just start laying.”