WHEATON, MD – Montgomery County has announced the opening of their new state-of-the-art government building, a giant glass structure that makes it physically easier for government employees to spy on residents.
“Our original two-story building in Rockville had no windows, which made it difficult to see things happening right under our noses,” said County Executive Marc Elrich. “Now that the permit office has a 360-degree view from the new rooftop terrace, we’ll be able to find all illegal construction projects like additions, sheds, and Little Free Libraries.”
The new structure – a 14-story 308,000 square foot LEED Platinum certified building – is located just one block from the Wheaton Metro Station and is the new home to several County departments including Permitting Services, Environmental Protection, Health and Human Services, Recreation and Community Use of Public Facilities. The super modern design will also be home to the Historic Preservation Commission once they figure out where to park their horse-drawn carriages and how to operate the automatic door at the building’s entrance.
“The mostly glass design represents transparency, which is the number one goal of Montgomery County,” said Elrich. “We are going to have so much transparency that we will literally be able to see every single thing people are doing at all times. No one can hide from us now.”
Not all residents were happy about the new building. “This is yet another example of wasted taxpayer dollars to create a nanny state for Montgomery County,” said Robin Ficker, Montgomery County’s only Republican Candidate. “Now that they have a clear view of my backyard, I’m planning to hold weekly trash burnings where my friends can protest against government overreach in the nude.”