City Requires Yard Signs to Be Biodegradable, Decompose on Day After Election

TAKOMA PARK, MD – With less than 100 days to go until the election and political signs already littering the streets, the city council voted 6 to 1 in favor of requiring that all yard signs be made of biodegradable materials that will completely break down the day after the election.

“After every political season, we receive endless complaints about neighbors’ yard signs remaining up well past the election,” said the Mayor. “This historic bill will not only rid our city of more unnecessary waste, but also remind our residents that, despite how it feels, Takoma Park is not living in a permanent election cycle.”

Takoma Park isn’t new to banning common household items. From plastic straws to gas powered leaf blowers, this city takes pride in its ability to force residents and businesses to comply with environmental regulations no matter how inconvenient. With biodegradable yard signs, the city is merely continuing its tradition of being both highly progressive and totally exhausting.

“This new law is infringing on my right to free speech!” said Constance Komplanor. “So what if my badly faded sign supporting my losing candidate from 2004 is still in my front yard? It lets everyone know that I was right all along, and everything would have been better had everyone just listened to me.”  

Opposition to the new law came from all sides of the political spectrum. Robert Swanson, for example, remains committed to displaying his “Jeb!” sign from the 2016 Republican primary. “Even though it’s hard being a conservative surrounded by all these liberal yard signs, I still agree that we should all be able to express ourselves on our property,” said Swanson. “My yard sign tells everyone that I support policies that hurt the poor and enrich the 1%, but that I would have preferred they be carried out by a candidate who is better at hiding racism and misogyny.”

Unlike bans on lawn pesticides and nuclear materials, the city has stressed that it will strongly enforce this new law. If a political yard sign has not fully decomposed or spontaneously combusted the day after the election, the Department of Public Works will place a violation sign next to the non-compliant sign, which will give the homeowner 30 days to comply before facing steeper consequences.

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