BALTIMORE, MD – Despite MLB announcing a 60 game season for 2020, somehow the Baltimore Orioles are still on pace to repeat their 108-loss record from last year.
“Statistically, we should be able to cut our 2019 losses in half,” said manager Brandon Hyde. “But this team always finds a way to go above and beyond expectations. We’ll definitely lock down the 1st and 2nd overall draft picks next year.”
With blowout scores that look more like college football games and a pitching staff that helps Yankees’ hitters channel Babe Ruth, American League teams are disappointed to lose opportunities to beat up on the Orioles due to the shortened season. To make up for it, MLB created a new rule that any win over the O’s by 20 runs or more gets counted as two wins.
“At this point, we’re not really sure what to do with this ball club,” said MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred. “We’ve even encouraged the Orioles players to use steroids to at least keep the games close.”
The team has gotten so bad, Orioles fans are actually excited to watch their own kids play little league baseball, and in some dire scenarios, European soccer. Still, owner Peter Angelos doesn’t mind. “Despite our poor attendance, we are still getting larger crowds than President Trump,” he added.
