WASHINGTON, DC – In response to Democratic presidential candidate Joe Biden’s controversial “you ain’t black” comment, President Trump encouraged all Americans to take a knee during the National Anthem in a show of solidarity against Biden.
“Let me be perfectly clear – there are fine people on both sides, but racism is a very bad thing,” stated Trump. “Taking a knee would be a tremendous display of courage, and show support for those very good people, many who are criminals and rapists, but some of them, I assume, are good people.”
Capitalizing on Biden’s error, Trump announced a nationwide “Woke GOP” tour, where his mainly his supporters, white nationalists and NFL team owners will now suddenly oppose racism by refusing to stand during the National Anthem at sports events. The tour is slated to begin in “disgusting, rat and rodent infested” Baltimore, and will be led by advisor Stephen Miller.
When asked what he would actually do to win over the black community instead of simply capitalizing on an opponent’s gaffe, Trump responded that he plans to “show off his tremendous basketball skills when passing out paper towels to shithole countries.”