White House Staff Urges President to Avoid Golden Showers Due to Coronavirus Risk

WASHINGTON, DC – In an effort to protect the Commander in Chief from the deadly Coronavirus, Acting White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows issued a memo today urging President Trump to refrain from receiving golden showers on overseas trips to avoid elevated risks of catching the disease.

“This pandemic is serious. The administration recommends the President helps curtail the spread of this deadly virus by temporarily not getting urinated on, especially near the face or mouth,” said Meadows.

Meadows added that should the President feel the sudden urge for some submissive role playing, that he take extra precaution by wearing a face mask and thoroughly washing his hands when finished.

In order to make sure the President follows protocol, Senator Ted Cruz and Representative Matt Gaetz will be assigned to accompany the president on all overseas trips to physically scrub down his urine-soaked body, destroy the tapes, and then quarantine themselves in Air Force One for fourteen days along with the rest of CPAC attendees.