WASHINGTON, DC – The autocratic leaders of North Korea, Russia and Turkey announced today that they will adopt the U.S. Constitution for their own countries, as it apparently contains no checks and balances for sitting presidents and allows them to basically do whatever they want.
“I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Trump is the most corrupt person in the history of the United States,” said Trump’s impeachment defense lawyer Alan Dershowitz. “However, if the president feels he needs to be corrupt in order to get reelected, then technically corruption is in the nation’s interest.”
Russian President Vladimir Putin immediately praised the comments, claiming they are even better than his own country’s laws. Standing before a larger crowd than Gorbachev ever had, Putin addressed his people by ripping off his shirt and declaring freedom from the British. He then placed his “Josef Stalin” on a Russian-translated copy of the U.S. Constitution after scribbling out the First Amendment.
“For years I’ve done everything I can to undermine democracy in America,” Putin said. “Now I realize how much I should have been embracing it all along. USA! USA!”
Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan and North Korea’s Kim Jong-un also announced their commitment to American-style democracy by thanking President Trump for finally making them understand what “freedom” really means.
To honor the U.S. for their guidance in shaping their new political systems, brutal foreign dictators around the world claimed they plan to rename many of their streets “5th Avenue.”
