The Takoma Torch Launches Weather Advisory System to Help DMV Residents Panic for Winter Weather

Weather Alert System for the DC-MD-VA (DMV) Region

TAKOMA PARK, MD – In its ongoing effort to serve the public, The Takoma Torch has launched its new Weather Advisory System for the Washington D.C., Maryland, and Virginia (DMV) region. This system goes into effect immediately and will be used to streamline forecast information so that subscribers have the best and latest guidance on how to freak out when inclement weather is happening somewhere in the DC region. 

“We took some of the best thinking from past alert systems, including the out-of-order rainbow colors from Department of Homeland Security’s defunct Advisory System. I mean, it should be blue THEN green THEN yellow,” explained Takoma Torch senior staff meteorologist, Max Dred.

Readers are advised to share this helpful guide with their friends, except for those smug folks from upstate New York or Michigan who just can’t believe it.

Readers who don’t share this with at least 10 other people will have storm clouds come their way.