Trump Pressures Alaska to Investigate Mayor Stewart’s “Foreign” Vacation

WASHINGTON, DC – President Donald Trump sought to use a potential meeting with Alaska Governor Mike Dunleavy as leverage to press Anchorage officials to investigate Takoma Park Mayor Kate Stewart’s 2016 family vacation to Alaska, newly release text messages indicate.

The President already found himself in an impeachment inquiry after a similar controversy with Ukrainian officials last week regarding Joe Biden’s son. It’s unclear why Trump decided to go after a small town mayor’s children, but political analysts believe he is just throwing a massive temper tantrum by taking out his anger on a new foe: mayor of one of the nation’s fiercest anti-Trump communities.

In a tweet Tuesday morning, Mr. Trump said, “As President I have an obligation to end CORRUPTION, even if that means requesting the help of a foreign country like Alaska…this has NOTHING to do with politics or a political campaign against Kate Stewart and her crooked kids. This does have to do with their corruption!”

Governor Dunleavy, confused, responded to Trump’s tweet that Alaska was not a foreign country but, indeed, one of the 50 states. After subsequently being labeled “Dummy Dunleavy” by Trump, however, he declined further comment and returned to supporting the President like the typical spineless bootlicker we all know him to be.

Anchorage Mayor Ethan Berkowitz, a Democrat, issued a statement expressing concern at the idea of weaponizing his town’s police department for political purposes and noting the unlikelihood that Mayor Stewart’s family could have engaged in any illicit activity while visiting the state.

“When kids get in trouble in Alaska, it’s because they’re ice fishing without a license or getting lost on a glacier in search of the perfect selfie,” said Berkowitz. “It’s generally not because they’re negotiating backroom deals with foreign oligarchs or extorting money out of state-owned businesses. Maybe the president is thinking of his own kids?”

Trump quickly responded, calling Berkowitz’s statement “a cover-up for the corruption of Stewart’s children” and threatening to “withhold 2.4 billion dollars in foreign aid.” He also threatened to have his personal lapdog Attorney General William Barr look into state sponsored bribes in exchange for residents having to live in the “shithole country.”

When asked what she and her children were doing in Alaska, Mayor Stewart replied “With rapid climate change, I just wanted to show my kids a last look at the glaciers. Also, as a soccer mom, I wanted to see if I could win in a fight against one of those hockey moms.”

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