Fans,
As you probably know, the Takoma Torch is a terrible business model: losing money like a Jeff Bezos–funded newspaper. So naturally, we’ve decided the solution is to give away cash.
We’re launching our first-ever satire writing contest with the talented student journalists of Montgomery Blair High School’s Silver Chips.
Here was our announcement:
“Dear Mighty Scribes of Silver Chips,
The Takoma Torch would like to extend a formal, legally non-binding, and possibly ill-advised invitation to the student journalists of Silver Chips at Montgomery Blair High School to enter our First (Annual-ish) Satire Writing Contest. Yes, this is your official invitation to lovingly roast the place you call home.
The Rules (Shockingly Simple):
- 1. Write around 300 words of satire (we won’t count if you don’t.)
- 2. Topic: Broad category. Plenty of room to roam. Schools, county politics, cafeteria pizza, the mysterious psychology of MCPS bus drivers, whatever keeps you up at night.
- 3. Keep it sharp, error-free, and publishable (meaning: funny).
- 4. Have a funny headline, capitalizing every word (visit www.takomatorch.com to see our format)
- 5. Submit by March 17, 2026. Yes, St. Patrick’s Day. May the luck of the Irish guide your punchlines.
The Stakes:
Winners will be determined by a highly scientific, social media vote (likely on Facebook so your parents can bug everyone at work to get them to vote for you)
🥇 1st Prize: $300
🥈 2nd Prize: $150
🥉 3rd Prize: $50
This is real money. Not exposure. Not extra credit. Cash.
All entries will be published on the Takoma Torch website, where they will live forever or at least until we forget to renew the domain. The Takoma Torch has the right to reject entries that we find overtly offensive, defamatory, punching down, or requires us to retain an attorney. We also have way more experience with AI than you, so don’t think you can sneak a plagiarized, ChatGPT article by us.
This is your chance to practice the fine journalistic tradition of holding power accountable, but with more jokes about cafeteria food. Think of it as community service, except the community didn’t ask for it.
We eagerly await your submissions, your wit, and your bold willingness to gently mock the very towns that raised you.
Sharpen your pencils and fire away!
With affectionate local mischief,
The Editors
Takoma Torch”
We received five submissions and starting tomorrow, will publish one each day for the next five days, followed by a 48-hour public vote to crown the winner.
Follow/subscribe to read along, and get ready to vote in about a week!
Enjoy!
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