Firefighters Deny Retaliation After Soaking Baseball Field, Claim They Were Just Throwing ‘Wet Dreams’ Party for Team

SILVER SPRING, MD – Montgomery County Fire & Rescue officials are denying any wrongdoing after a firehose “accidentally” blasted thousands of gallons of water across the Takoma Thunderbolts baseball field last week, soaking the outfield and forcing the game’s cancellation.

The firefighters claim the incident was not retaliation for a dented truck, but rather the kickoff of a new community event they’re calling the “Wet Dreams Charity Baseball Hose-Off.”

“I don’t know why everyone’s so upset,” said Montgomery County Fire Chief Corey Smedley, while sipping from a protein shake and adjusting his reflective aviators. “This was clearly a fun, sexy, shirtless community fundraiser featuring local heroes and minor league heartthrobs getting wet for a good cause. If anything, people should be thanking us.”

The controversy began when a Thunderbolts player hit a batting practice homerun that flew over the outfield fence and striking a firefighter’s personal vehicle. Moments later, a firetruck pulled up along the fence, and what appeared to be an act of vengeance commenced: a full-blast soaking of the outfield from a firetruck.

“It was like Coachella for firefighters with unresolved anger issues,” said a ticket holder. “Minus the music. And the consent.”

Making matters murkier, the incident occurred just days after the Montgomery County Council passed new legislation imposing $5,000 fines for hosting unlicensed commercial parties in residential neighborhoods – nicknamed “Wet Dreams” parties after the infamous pool party at a Potomac mansion last year – prompting speculation that the firefighters tried to sidestep the fine by pretending the water deluge was all part of a last-minute fundraiser.

“We’ll be investigating,” said a county spokesperson. “But we can confirm the phrase ‘Wet Dreams’ appeared nowhere on the event permit request… because there was no event permit request.”

When asked if he regretted the incident, Fire Chief Smedley shook his head. “The only thing I regret,” he said, “is not bringing the Slip ‘N Slide.”