MoCo Politicians Support North Bethesda Marriott Conference Center Boycott Just to Stop Eating Fucking Chicken for Lunch

NORTH BETHESDA, MD — In a rare show of bipartisan solidarity, Montgomery County lawmakers and state delegates have thrown their full support behind a growing boycott of the North Bethesda Marriott Conference Center – not only for workers’ rights, but because they are “so fucking done with the chicken.”

The Conference Center, known for its convenient location and unwavering commitment to serving lukewarm poultry at every conceivable government event, has drawn the ire of elected officials who say they’ve reached their breaking point after years of chicken-centric luncheons.

“We’ve tried it grilled, fried, blackened, roasted, lemon-peppered, and once in a terrifying roulade that haunts my dreams,” said Councilmember Dawn Luedtke, visibly pale at the memory. “At this point, I’d rather eat one of those little decorative rosemary sprigs than face another beige plate of chicken over rice pilaf.”

The final straw came during the annual “Interjurisdictional Leadership Brunch” last week, where 87 elected officials were served identical plates of herb-crusted chicken with “seasonal vegetables” that turned out to be steamed carrots and one green bean.

“We are in a culinary hostage situation,” Delegate Marc Korman told reporters, pointing to a stack of lanyards and name tags from prior conferences as evidence. “I have not seen red meat since the Clinton administration.”

Vaughn Stewart, a staunch advocate of transit-oriented development and also beef tacos, says the boycott is not just about food – it’s about reclaiming the dignity of elected office. “If we can secure billions for infrastructure, surely we can secure a decent lunch,” Stewart added. “Hell, I’d settle for a sandwich that doesn’t come in cellophane.”

In the meantime, lawmakers have begun floating alternative venues, including a local Panera Bread, a taco truck behind the Council Office parking garage, and Dawn Leudtke’s backyard if someone brings a grill. There is also growing momentum for a pilot program that would allow committee meetings to be held exclusively at burger joints with decent Wi-Fi.

The boycott is expected to last until either the menu changes or lawmakers break down and accept that it’s raining and there’s no free parking anywhere else.