CONEY ISLAND, NY – Competitive eating legend Joey Chestnut made headlines this week by setting the all-time record for consuming vegan hot dogs at one.
“I’ve trained my whole life for this, but nothing could prepare me for the sheer density of tofu and lentil protein,” said Chestnut while dry heaving. “It was like chewing through a rubber garden hose that tasted vaguely of despair, but I did it. For the fans.”
The event, called The Impossible to Eat Hot Dog Competition, marks a new chapter for Chestnut after getting banned from the Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest after signing an endorsement deal with Impossible Foods, a rival company that makes plant-based franks. Even though Chestnut stands to make a lot more money with his new deal, he may find that he’ll have to train much harder than in previous years.
“Typically, contestants request cups of water to dip their hot dogs in to make them easier to swallow,” said event coordinator Frank Weiner. “This is the first time someone asked for cups of mouthwash.”
As the event concluded, Chestnut received a trophy made from recycled tofu packaging and a year’s supply of vegan hot dogs. “I think I’ll pass these on to someone who can actually appreciate them,” he said as he headed straight to the bathroom.
