Takoma Park Residents Outraged Upon Discovering Takoma Academy Not Technically Located in City Limits

TAKOMA PARK SILVER SPRING, MD – After 52 years in its current location, Takoma Academy unexpectedly found itself in the center of a controversial Facebook discussion after Takoma Park residents discovered the school was technically outside of city limits.

“How dare they use the name ‘Takoma’ when they aren’t even in Takoma Park!” posted Liz Hellfire on Takoma Park’s Facebook Group. “It’s just weird how they want to be a part of our inclusive, open-minded community that welcomes all when they’re just some private school that doesn’t belong here. Not in my backyard!”

Like other local businesses and controversial satirical writers, Takoma Academy wasn’t always an “outsider.” Founded in 1904, the school was originally located inside the city limits near the intersection of Flower and Carroll Avenues. In 1952, Takoma Academy moved to its current location, directly across the street from the city border, in order to find a building to meet the capacity of its growing campus. They decided to keep “Takoma” in their name because, at the time, Takoma Park residents didn’t give a shit about petty nonsense.

That all changed in 2021.

“I just don’t understand why a school that used to be in Takoma Park, but is now just across the street, feels like it can be a part of this community or have any opinions about anything happening inside our borders,” posted Bobby Bayshore, a nine-year resident of Takoma Park. “They’re just outside agitators. I’ve researched their entire history, how much money they make, where all of their staff and students live, and they just sound like a bunch of stalkers if you ask me.”

When asked to elaborate on why it bothers people so much for a school located 30 feet from the city to use the name Takoma, Bayshore, wearing sunglasses and blue hoodie, responded, “It’s just weird, that’s all. They use our 20912 zip code, cross the street to buy snacks from our 7-11, and drive on our streets to get into and out of the school. I just don’t understand why they are so obsessed with us. If you had read our 178 comment discussion about the school on Facebook, you’d know we clearly don’t care about them at all.”