EL PASO, TX – After Senator Ted Cruz fled to Cancun during freezing temperatures in Texas, Beto O’Rourke took off his clothes and started shoveling snow to prove he can serve his fellow Texans no matter how cold it gets outside.
“It’s true that ‘Little Beto’ isn’t liking this weather, but that’s not stopping me from staying put and helping the people of the Great State of Texas,” said O’Rourke. “I’d like to see Ted Cruz join me out here in the cold, but I guess he doesn’t have the balls.”
His comments came in the midst of a rare winter storm that blew through Texas, creating rolling blackouts across the state just as temperatures dropped below freezing. With its own separate power grid—a source of pride intended to facilitate the state’s eventual secession from the nation—Texas has found itself prematurely isolated, unable to access alternative power sources that other states share amongst themselves with ease. As a result, residents are stranded without heat, electricity or water. But that didn’t stop Ted Cruz from getting on a plane to sunny, warm Cancun.
“Look, any normal, hard-working Texan would buy a first class round-trip flight to Cancun just to drop off their family and return immediately,” said Cruz, wearing flip flops and a Hawaiian shirt. “I was never planning to stay in Cancun. I just wanted to bring two suitcases of clothes there so that I could stay overnight, recharge my phones and laptop and get back to work while waiting for the power to come back on. I don’t see the big deal. Regular folks do that all the time.”
Beto quickly pounced on Cruz’s insensitive statement. “I dont know anybody who would run away from a crisis as fast as Ted Cruz did,” said O’Rourke. “All I can say is, if the people of Texas want someone to stand tall and not shrivel up when it gets a little cold out, I’m your man.”