Scarcity of Free Parking Sparks Protests at Climate Emergency Town Hall

SILVER SPRING, MD – With global temperatures setting new records each year, politicians from Takoma Park and Montgomery County decided it was time to act. So they did what any action committee would do: create a subcommittee to discuss what action steps to take.

This past weekend, a Climate Emergency Town Hall was held at the Downtown Silver Spring Civic Center, but instead of reaching consensus on recommended actions, an unexpected heated protest began.

“I can’t believe I drove all the way over here and had to pay three dollars to park!” complained Sue Mallory, a green activist wearing a Bike Day 2018 shirt. “It’s just crazy how selfish these parking lot owners have become. Don’t they consider what long-term affect this could have?”

Parking has been a main concern for many residents of Takoma Park, where free parking lots are critically endangered and facing extinction, much like polar bears dealing with global warming.

“I remember the good old days when I could drive three blocks, park behind Mark’s Kitchen for free, and then buy a gas leaf blower at Ace Hardware,” stated Mallory. “Now those days are long gone. I feel sorry for our children’s future.”

After being informed by event organizers that free parking still exists, but they’d have to walk a few extra blocks, residents became irate.

“How dare they make us have to walk extra blocks to find free parking for this important event,” stated Roger McMahon, a cross-fit instructor and age group champion triathlete. “It’s as if they think we have so much extra time on our hands.”

Event organizers were quick to explain that the location of the town hall was selected due to its close proximity to a metro station, bus stops, and bike paths. They also focused the town hall on minimizing the production of greenhouse gases by designing cities in ways that reduce the need to drive. Still, many Takoma Park attendees resisted.

When asked how having to walk a few extra blocks would compare to Greta Thunberg, a 16 year old Swedish teenager who spent two weeks sailing to America to attend climate change conferences, McMahon replied, “Well how am I supposed to compete with that? My boat is the shop right now.”

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