Takoma Park Police Adopt New Enforcement Tactic Based on Cat Discipline

TAKOMA PARK – In an effort to remain at the forefront of innovation in law enforcement, the Takoma Park Police adopted a more effective and safer tactic to de-escalate tense situations with civilians.

“Cats really hate being sprayed in the face with water,” stated the Takoma Park Chief of Police. “For months, we’ve been testing it on people and found they hate it just as much. So effective immediately, our entire force will be carrying spray bottles instead of guns and tasers.”

One successful example of spray bottling took place at one of last year’s heated City Council hearings, when a man refused to give up the podium at the 3 minute time limit. An officer was called in to de-escalate the situation and sprayed the man’s face with water. The man immediately ran away and hid in a corner with a stunned look of terror.

In another incident, things got a little too rowdy one late night at Republic when several intoxicated people jumped up on the bar without permission. After the staff failed to get them down, an off-duty police officer who happened to be near, managed to remove them from the bar with a few sprays to the face.

“This is probably the most effective method we have found which keeps everyone safe and avoids excessive force,” stated Officer Maya Baylor. “All I really need to do now is simply point the spray bottle at a suspect and they immediately stand down.”

It should be noted that the bottle is made from BPA-free plastic and the water is triple filtered. The spray bottle tactic has been so successful, The Takoma Park Police are recommending civilians carry a spray bottle on their person to help avoid bad situations.

One Takoma Park resident, Sara Halper, said having a spray bottle on hand has helped her a few times. “It’s amazing how effective it is on people,” said Halper. “This one guy started debating the movie ‘The Occupation of the American Mind,’ so I simply sprayed him in the face and he immediately shut up. It saved me hours of arguing about it on the listserv.”