WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump, 79, reportedly fell asleep for the seventh time this week during a cabinet meeting, proving once and for all that he is the most anti-woke president in the history.
“It’s not rude; it’s inspiring,” said Secretary of War [sic] Pete Hegseth. “It might seem like he’s nodding off, but we all know he’s really saying ‘yes’ to letting me airstrike another South American fishing boat.”
According to sources in the room, Trump’s eyes began drooping the moment someone mentioned “briefing,” a word he reportedly associates with “boring, weak, Democrat paperwork.” Within seconds, the president leaned back, crossed his arms, and entered what staff now politely refer to as his “non-woke phase.”
Aides confirmed he consumed his daily Super Big Gulp of Diet Coke, but even 500 milligrams of caffeine couldn’t stop the president from being firmly committed to his anti-woke principles.
Sources noted that Trump has begun bragging about his naps at rallies, telling supporters, “Sleepy Joe Biden naps, but I do anti-woke REM cycles. My dreams are incredible. Very patriotic.”
When experts suggested that posting hundreds of angry rants on social media at 3 a.m. is likely the reason for dozing off, Trump dismissed them as “snowflake sleep scientists who hate freedom” moments before drifting off again.
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