Congratulations, brave ethical shopper! You’ve spent the last year boycotting Amazon, canceling the Washington Post, and loudly telling anyone within earshot at the farmers market that Jeff Bezos is personally responsible for the death of local retail and the erosion of democracy. And yet… here you are… on Amazon. Just browsing. No judgment. Luckily, Prime Day has plenty of deals curated just for someone like you: a staunch anti-corporate activist who also really needs a motion-sensor squirrel deterrent by Thursday. So go ahead—fill that cart with artisanal compost thermometers, protest sign stencils, and reusable bamboo straws. Your secret’s safe with us (and the 17 Alexa devices in your home).
Now, without further hypocrisy, here are our Top 10 Best Amazon Prime Day Deals you’ll want to add to your cart before these markdowns are gone for good!
1. 10 Pack of Red Tape – $39.99
Perfect for any project needing community input.
2. Super Clipboard – $38.99
The Rolex of petition-gatherers. This is all about power and respect. Let them know this is your neighborhood.
3. Blonde Short Bob Wig for White Women – $23.99
Perfect for long lines at coffee shops and frequenting that neighborhood kid’s unpermitted lemonade stand.
4. Custom Reserved Parking Sign – $16.99
Claim your precious turf on the street in front of your house – even if you don’t technically own it.
5. Urban Planning for Dummies – $20.25
6. Desktop Soundproof Box – $179.99
Perfect for anyone working from home. Ideal for drowning out noise from barking dogs, gas leaf blowers, and illegal fireworks.
7. Home Surveying Kit – $2,176.00
Everyone knows “Good Fences Make Good Neighbors,” so make sure anyone building a fence near your property line knows you aren’t fucking around.
8. Decibel Meter Recorder – $103.99
Everyone agrees ACAB, so don’t take any chances. Before calling the cops on your neighbors who rudely didn’t invite you to their loud party, arm yourself with evidence!
9. Affordable Housing Unit – $122.99
Finally an affordable house at the price you believe it should cost. (Bonus: It’s also historically accurate!)
10. Anti-Gentrification Kids Rug – $21.90
Because it’s never too early to teach your kids about the important role asphalt parking lots play in protecting diversity.
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