SILVER SPRING, MD – Thirty two explanatory street signs later, local officials remain unconvinced that residents will understand how to drive a car over the recently constructed Park Valley Road bridge at Sligo Creek. As a result, all commuters must now stop and read a 450 page instruction manual and take a 75 question written exam before crossing the bridge.
“Safety is our utmost concern,” explained Sarah Hughes of the Parks and Planning Department. “With this new requirement, we will all sleep better at night knowing drivers have enough info to help them navigate across that straight, flat 34 foot span.”
The exam focuses on three areas: How bridges work, how to drive over the bridge, and how not to end up driving off of the bridge into the creek below. The average time to complete the exam is approximately 90 minutes; roughly the same time it takes to drive a different route, purchase groceries at Whole Foods, complain about the number of signs littering the beautiful new bridge, and return home.
While most people aren’t too thrilled about the new requirement, residents of Park Valley Road and its surrounding neighborhood love the burdensome new regulations governing their bridge.
“Having successfully petitioned the County to stop cut-through traffic during morning and evening rush hour, we have now succeeded at stopping everyone from driving through our neighborhood all the time,” said Maggie Green. “After more than two years of construction, we can now claim this $4.9 million publicly-funded project as our own private bridge. It’s only fair.”