ANNAPOLIS, MD – After a huge political setback in his attempt to widen the Capital Beltway in Montgomery County, Governor Hogan has turned his attention to other things he can widen, including both Sligo and Rock Creek.
“Since those pro-traffic Democrats blocked my Beltway expansion, we need to figure out how everyday people, like myself, can quickly avoid the congested DC area,” stated Hogan. “By widening those creeks to seven lanes each way, we’ll be able to get cruise ships, riverboat casinos and private yachts up to Chevy Chase from DC in no time.”
The plan is said to cost taxpayers only $7 million as Hogan guarantees the cost will be paid for using magic. However, an independent cost analysis puts the real cost as high as $36 billion due to eminent domain takeovers of the most expensive houses in Montgomery County.
Democratic Comptroller of Maryland and Republican Candidate for Governor, Peter Franchot, was against the proposal at first, but then realized the proximity of his Takoma Park home to Sligo Creek. Immediately, he offered a compromise of approving the proposal with an amendment of widening the trails to create separate lanes for joggers, dog walkers, and bikers. He also proposed a separated toll lane for e-bikes.
If the proposal makes it through the general assembly next week, residents can expect Hogan to propose widening other things in Maryland including grocery store aisles at Costco, the end of the summer to Thanksgiving, and the pipeline of government construction contracts to the Hogan Companies run by his brother.