As 2026 approaches, the Takoma Torch has once again performed its sacred civic duty: deciding what is in and what is out, with no public input and even less accountability. This list is not advisory, data-driven, or legally binding, though several neighborhood listservs will treat it as if it were handed down on stone tablets behind the Co-op.
Like all In-Out lists, this one reflects the vibes of the coming year, as interpreted through overheard conversations at the Folk Festival, passive-aggressive yard signs, and the comments section of the Takoma Park Facebook Group. Some items are deeply serious. Others were included purely to make one specific person very mad, which is the highest calling of local journalism.
Disagree with our picks? Great. Please submit a 900-word email explaining why, cc’ing at least three councilmembers, two task forces, and a guy named David who definitely shouldn’t be on the thread but somehow always is. We promise to forward it to our HR department.
Without further ado – and before someone calls for a stakeholder meeting – here is what’s officially in and out for 2026.
| OUT | IN |
| Banning TikTok | Buying TikTok |
| Douchebag Billionaires | Douchebag Trillionaires |
| Passive Income | Grifting |
| Ocean City | Baltimore Sun Comments Section |
| Buying Greenland | Selling Out Ukraine |
| Civil Rights | Civil Wars |
| Harvard Law | UCLA |
| Barndominiums | Vandominiums |
| Denouncing $600k Market Rate Townhouses | Celebrating $600k Affordable 1-Bedroom Apartments |
| Research | Google Search |
| Takoma Park Residents Not Using AI to Reduce Environmental Impact | Implementing AI Stop Sign Enforcement Throughout Takoma Park |
| The Donald J. Trump Kennedy Center | The Donald J. Trump Russian Embassy |
| Redrawing School Boundaries | Redrawing Congressional Maps |
| Debating the Library Renovation | Debating the Completed Library |
| Tylenol Causing Autism | Advil Causing Erectile Dysfunction |
| COVID Vaccines | Botox Injections |
| Speed Bumps Designed to Slow Cars | Speed Bumps Designed to Drive Around If You Want |
| “Fork in the Road” | Knife in the Back |
| Fucking Couches | Fucking Widows |
| Autopen | Redacting |
| Ag Reserve | Data Center Preserve |
| Department of War | Department of War Crimes |
| Demolishing Historic Buildings | Preserving Chain Restaurant Logos |
| Government Shutdowns | Government Selloffs |
| Fighting Development in Quiet Neighborhoods | Fighting Development on Busy Roads |
| Pedestrian Safety | Stranger Danger |
| Parking Enforcement Robots | Evictions Delivered by Drones |
| Hitting Homeruns | Firefighters Soaking Baseball Fields |
| Liberal Bubbles | Bluesky Echo Chambers |
| Flipping Houses | Flipping The House |
| Old White Men Running for President | Old White Men Running for County Council |
| Sydney Sweeney’s “Good Jeans” | Stephen Miller’s KKKhakis |
| Taylor Swift Engagement | Marjorie Taylor Greene Break-Up |
| Spending $62M to Lose a Senate Race | Spending $62M to lose a Congressional Race |
| Treehugging | Tree Eulogies |
| Wage Increases | Tariff Rebate Checks |
| Yass Queen | No Kings |
| Masks Making It Hard For Kids to Breathe | Masks Making It Easy to Choke Out Immigrants |
| Cold Play Kiss Cams | Yo Yo Ma Orgies |
| Keeping Renters Out of Exclusive Single-Family Neighborhoods – | Renting Property in District 1 to Run for County Council to Keep Renters Out of Exclusive Single-Family Neighborhoods |
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