{"id":3418,"date":"2025-10-14T17:12:47","date_gmt":"2025-10-14T21:12:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/?p=3418"},"modified":"2025-10-14T17:12:49","modified_gmt":"2025-10-14T21:12:49","slug":"sha-rolls-out-new-optional-speed-bumps-on-carroll-avenue-for-drivers-who-dont-feel-like-slowing-down","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/2025\/10\/14\/sha-rolls-out-new-optional-speed-bumps-on-carroll-avenue-for-drivers-who-dont-feel-like-slowing-down\/","title":{"rendered":"SHA Rolls Out New ‘Optional’ Speed Bumps on Carroll Avenue For Drivers Who Don’t Feel Like Slowing Down"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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TAKOMA PARK, MD \u2014 In a bold new traffic-calming strategy the Maryland State Highway Administration (SHA) installed a series of \u201coptional\u201d speed bumps on Carroll Avenue, intentionally narrow enough for drivers to simply swerve around them if they don’t want to slow down.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThis is the future of traffic safety,\u201d said SHA spokesperson Linda Craycroft, proudly gesturing at the bump as a Toyota RAV4 zipped through the gap at 45 mph. \u201cWe realized people hate slowing down, so we thought, why fight it? Now everyone wins: pedestrians get the illusion of safety, and drivers get to maintain their God-given right to barrel through Takoma Park like they\u2019re late for a lacrosse game in Bethesda.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The new design stems from what officials are calling a compromise between community input and driver entitlement. The original proposal called for standard full-lane speed humps, but SHA engineers found that making them optional reduced installation costs, public complaints, and the number of passive-aggressive Nextdoor posts by approximately 37%.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Residents have already noticed the change. \u201cI feel so much safer now that there are these little decorations in the street,\u201d said local resident Martha Dean while clutching her reusable grocery bag. \u201cBefore, cars would just speed through. Now, they speed through in the opposite lane.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some drivers say the bumps are an improvement over previous designs. \u201cI hate those traditional speed bumps,\u201d said area driver Paul Leadfoot. \u201cThey force me to slow down, potentially causing me to spill my iced latte. But these new ones allow me the option of driving into the bike lane to avoid the major inconvenience of having to use my brakes.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When asked for comment, SHA congratulated themselves on not receiving any backlash from Takoma Park drivers, and confirmed they\u2019re also exploring “Stopping is Encouraged” signs and speed limits with shrug emojis. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

TAKOMA PARK, MD \u2014 In a bold new traffic-calming strategy the Maryland State Highway Administration (SHA) installed a series of \u201coptional\u201d speed bumps on Carroll Avenue, intentionally narrow enough for drivers to simply swerve around them if they don’t want to slow down. \u201cThis is the future of traffic safety,\u201d said SHA spokesperson Linda Craycroft,…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3419,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[17],"tags":[114,822,1130,979,640,638,1733,143,93,111,2105,2106,928,4,1397,2100,1340,1278,2,675,1771,719,716,717,104,164],"class_list":["post-3418","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-local-news","tag-amazon","tag-carroll-avenue","tag-dmv-satire","tag-google-news","tag-maryland-satire","tag-moco-satire","tag-montgomery-county-satire","tag-purple-line","tag-satire","tag-satirical-news","tag-sha","tag-speed-bumps","tag-state-highway-administration","tag-takoma","tag-takoma-humor","tag-takoma-man","tag-takoma-minor-master-plan","tag-takoma-news","tag-takoma-park","tag-takoma-park-bike-lanes","tag-takoma-park-humor","tag-takoma-park-news","tag-takoma-satire","tag-takoma-satirical-news","tag-takoma-torch","tag-takomatorch","wpcat-17-id"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/takomatorch.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/2025-10-14-13.48.25-scaled.jpg?fit=2560%2C1797&ssl=1","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/paPZSG-T8","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3418","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3418"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3418\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3420,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3418\/revisions\/3420"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3419"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3418"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3418"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3418"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}