{"id":3299,"date":"2025-05-06T14:53:20","date_gmt":"2025-05-06T18:53:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/2025\/05\/06\/takoma-park-balances-budget-by-heavily-taxing-childrens-business-fair\/"},"modified":"2025-05-06T15:01:57","modified_gmt":"2025-05-06T19:01:57","slug":"takoma-park-balances-budget-by-heavily-taxing-childrens-business-fair","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/2025\/05\/06\/takoma-park-balances-budget-by-heavily-taxing-childrens-business-fair\/","title":{"rendered":"Takoma Park Balances Budget By Heavily Taxing Children’s Business Fair"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
\"\"
Photo Credit: katiejettwallsphotography.com<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

TAKOMA PARK, MD – In move aimed at maintaining the city’s progressive values while avoiding another dreaded property tax hike, Takoma Park officials announced today that they have officially implemented a business tax on the city\u2019s most lucrative economic engine: the annual Children\u2019s Business Fair.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe Children\u2019s Business Fair accounts for 15% of the city\u2019s entire GDP,\u201d said longtime homeowner Constance Komplanor, sipping a $14 bubble tea she got from a second grader named Jasper. \u201cIt\u2019s about time these kid corporations pay their fair share. We’re tired of subsidizing lemonade empires while homeowners suffer.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The decision comes amid heated budget negotiations, during which several council members floated options like taxing rain barrels, issuing leaf pile permits, and launching a city-branded cryptocurrency (“Ro$coin”). But ultimately, officials agreed that taxing children\u2019s makeshift pop-up shops was the least politically risky.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Under the new policy, all participants in the fair will be required to register their businesses with the city, submit quarterly earnings reports, and pay a flat 18.75% tax on all revenue earned from handmade bracelets, duct tape wallets, and suspiciously sticky baked goods.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWe’re not anti-entrepreneurship,\u201d said a city spokesperson. \u201cWe’re just saying if your 8-year-old is pulling in $400 a day selling gluten-free dog treats, she can kick in a few bucks for infrastructure projects – like rebuilding the Piney Branch Elementary School pool.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Parents expressed mixed reactions. Some called the move a teaching opportunity. \u201cIt\u2019s great,\u201d said one mom. \u201cNow little Ezra gets to learn about municipal compliance, tax avoidance strategies, and how to write off a glitter glue purchase as a business expense.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The children were less enthused. \u201cMy\u00a0 business is barely breaking even,\u201d said Jimmy Gleason wearing a “No Taxation Without Representation” hat. \u201cBetween licensing fees, the compost surcharge, and now taxes, I’m considering outsourcing my slime production to Silver Spring.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

City officials maintain the tax is a win-win for everyone. \u201cChildren are the future,\u201d said City Manager Robert DiSpirito. \u201cIn fact, the revenue is so great, we’re now reversing our anti-child labor laws. Let’s just call it a public-preteen partnership.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While adult taxpayers lauded the new 18.75% \u201cYouth Enterprise Responsibility Fee,\u201d several young entrepreneurs responded by forming the lobbying group “Sligo National Association of Capitalist Kids,” or SNACK PAC, where business fair profits could be funneled into. Members of the Super PAC could be heard chanting, \u201cNo taxation without representation!\u201d before being informed that the city council does not, in fact, allow 8-year-olds to vote.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

TAKOMA PARK, MD – In move aimed at maintaining the city’s progressive values while avoiding another dreaded property tax hike, Takoma Park officials announced today that they have officially implemented a business tax on the city\u2019s most lucrative economic engine: the annual Children\u2019s Business Fair. \u201cThe Children\u2019s Business Fair accounts for 15% of the city\u2019s…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3298,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[114,1808,1238,434,1974,516,264,95,1735,1101,24,77,969,970,1130,373,926,370,140,1896,237,489,371,368,979,122,340,141,1877,1387,1905,823,1729,1789,1807,1347,1593,1230,189,993,640,309,1351,638,130,1733,339,702,1417,1028,94,1745,239,1226,542,1229,1647,93,1895,4,1258,1193,1397,169,948,433,1278,2,64,947,714,1771,1345,718,104,164,1762,1975],"class_list":["post-3299","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-business","tag-amazon","tag-bluesky","tag-carroll-ave","tag-cedar-ave","tag-childrens-business-fair","tag-cnn","tag-co-op","tag-comedy","tag-community-vision-for-takoma","tag-dc-news","tag-dc-satire","tag-disney-plus","tag-dmv","tag-dmv-news","tag-dmv-satire","tag-ebay","tag-ethan-allen-avenue","tag-facebook","tag-fake-news","tag-finance","tag-flower-avenue","tag-funny","tag-gmail","tag-google","tag-google-news","tag-historic-takoma","tag-hulu","tag-humor","tag-inflation","tag-instagram","tag-irs","tag-jamie-raskin","tag-jessica-landman","tag-joke","tag-laugh","tag-laurel-avenue","tag-local-satire","tag-long-and-foster-takoma","tag-maryland","tag-maryland-news","tag-maryland-satire","tag-moco","tag-moco-news","tag-moco-satire","tag-montgomery-county","tag-montgomery-county-satire","tag-netflix","tag-new-hampshire-avenue","tag-nuclear-free","tag-old-town-takoma","tag-parody","tag-pen-listserv","tag-piney-branch","tag-real-estate-takoma-park","tag-reddit","tag-redfin-takoma","tag-roger-schlegel","tag-satire","tag-stocks","tag-takoma","tag-takoma-dc","tag-takoma-government","tag-takoma-humor","tag-takoma-library","tag-takoma-listserv","tag-takoma-metro","tag-takoma-news","tag-takoma-park","tag-takoma-park-city-council","tag-takoma-park-community-center","tag-takoma-park-facebook-group","tag-takoma-park-humor","tag-takoma-park-property-tax","tag-takoma-park-satire","tag-takoma-torch","tag-takomatorch","tag-talisha-searcy","tag-taxes","wpcat-9-id"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/takomatorch.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/image281298566818875266081869.jpg?fit=1155%2C770&ssl=1","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/paPZSG-Rd","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3299","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3299"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3299\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3300,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3299\/revisions\/3300"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3298"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3299"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3299"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3299"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}