{"id":3257,"date":"2025-03-25T22:01:49","date_gmt":"2025-03-26T02:01:49","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/2025\/03\/25\/takoma-park-officials-accidentally-texted-the-torch-classified-plan-to-switch-to-bluesky\/"},"modified":"2025-03-25T22:14:51","modified_gmt":"2025-03-26T02:14:51","slug":"takoma-park-officials-accidentally-texted-the-torch-classified-plan-to-switch-to-bluesky","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/2025\/03\/25\/takoma-park-officials-accidentally-texted-the-torch-classified-plan-to-switch-to-bluesky\/","title":{"rendered":"Takoma Park Officials Accidentally Texted The Torch Classified Plan to Switch to Bluesky"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Well, this was awkward.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Earlier this week, we here at The Takoma Torch were accidentally included in a top-secret group chat between thirteen Takoma Park officials. And not just any chat – a full-blown classified strategy session about the city\u2019s covert plan to ditch X (formerly Twitter) and switch to Bluesky. It\u2019s like stumbling upon the Pentagon Papers, but instead of war crimes, it\u2019s about social media branding.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The messages laid out everything: a transition timeline, follower retention strategies, and even a heated debate over the official hashtag. The frontrunner, #SkyHighTakoma, was shot down for being \u201ctoo pro-weed,\u201d while #TakomaBlueItself confused several participants who\u2019d never seen Arrested Development (or had blocked it out after season four). Ultimately, they settled on #SkylineSkeets – which, once explained, resulted in a flurry of horrified messages about the importance of conducting an \u201curban dictionary audit\u201d before launch.\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The sender list included some very familiar initials: “TS,” “RD,” and “RS” – which strongly suggest Mayor Talisha Searcy, City Manager Robert Dispirito, and Ward 3 Councilmember Roger Schlegel (you could tell it was Roger because his messages were several paragraphs long and always followed by someone replying \u201cTLDR\u201d). There was also \u201cJL\u201d – almost certainly Jessica Landman – who seemed deeply concerned about the implications of leaving X. \u201cIf Elon finds out, he\u2019ll tell Trump, and next thing you know, we\u2019re getting hit with a 25% tariff on kombucha and hummus. How am I supposed to survive that?!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What really stood out, though, were the emojis. The chat was *full* of them. Every sentence was punctuated with a combination of \ud83d\ude80, \ud83c\udf08, and \ud83d\udc13 – presumably representing the launch, Takoma Park\u2019s progressive ideals, and Roscoe, the city\u2019s unofficial rooster mascot. Robert Dispirito, based on context clues, seemed particularly fond of the \ud83d\udc40 emoji, which he used after someone suggested skeeting a picture of the city\u2019s new composting center. Meanwhile, Jessica Landman leaned heavily on the \ud83d\ude2c emoji, especially when the idea of abandoning X was discussed. The mayor\u2019s preferred reaction was the \ud83d\udc4d, though at one point she sent five \ud83d\udc80 emojis after someone asked if they could sync Bluesky with Nextdoor. And in perhaps the most revealing moment, Roger Schlegel posted a string of \ud83d\udd25\ud83d\udd25\ud83d\udd25 emojis after someone proposed a live \u201cskeet-a-thon\u201d at the farmer\u2019s market – followed by a single \ud83d\ude0e emoji, because of course.\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

But the strategy itself was shockingly detailed. There was a full-on launch schedule involving a “Bluesky Blitz” – a one-hour coordinated posting spree where all city officials would simultaneously skeet wholesome local content to game the algorithm. The mayor was reportedly tasked with skeeting a photo of the Takoma Junction parking lot at peak capacity, while the head of public works was encouraged to post a video explaining the new recycling guidelines while sitting inside the city\u2019s leaf mulch pile. There was even a contingency plan in case Bluesky\u2019s servers went down – which involved sending carrier pigeons trained to deliver QR codes linking to the city\u2019s backup Mastodon page.\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The planning extended to community outreach. To win over skeptical older residents still stuck on Facebook, the team proposed a Nextdoor guilt campaign. \u201cIf you care about stormwater runoff, you\u2019ll join Bluesky,\u201d read one draft post. Another one warned, \u201cRefusing to skeet is basically being pro-developer.\u201d An unnamed official, likely Amy Wesolek (based on the tone), suggested planting false rumors on Threads that Bluesky was started by Pete Buttigieg to lure NIMBYs into submission.\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Security concerns were also raised. Cindy Dyballa worried that a hacker might seize control of the city\u2019s Bluesky account and post misinformation about the Minor Master Plan. \u201cThat\u2019s how revolutions start,\u201d she wrote. Jessica Landman proposed installing 5G-blocking mesh around city hall \u201cjust in case.\u201d There was even a line item in the budget for a $75,000 \u201cSocial Media Sherpa\u201d to guide residents through the psychological transition from tweets to skeets.\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

After six hours of increasingly bizarre strategizing, I finally decided to announce myself.\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Hey everyone, not sure if you intended for me to be here. Did you want me to write a satirical article about this?”\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Total silence. Then, one by one, the messages started disappearing. \u201cThis message has been deleted.\u201d Within minutes, everyone left the chat – except \u201cBig Wood,\u201d who we assume is the city arborist and probably never knew he was there in the first place.\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The city\u2019s official transition to Bluesky is expected this week. But the real question is: when they inevitably screw it up, will they blame X, Bluesky – or us?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Well, this was awkward. Earlier this week, we here at The Takoma Torch were accidentally included in a top-secret group chat between thirteen Takoma Park officials. And not just any chat – a full-blown classified strategy session about the city\u2019s covert plan to ditch X (formerly Twitter) and switch to Bluesky. It\u2019s like stumbling upon…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3256,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[20],"tags":[152,114,1942,1808,1385,1509,516,264,1743,95,1735,700,1009,1251,1113,1101,551,24,77,969,970,1130,1857,1888,996,373,749,370,140,1897,1668,489,371,979,122,340,141,1387,823,1941,1729,1789,1943,1807,1701,537,1593,317,189,640,309,638,1733,339,6,116,1028,394,94,1940,98,1226,542,1530,1647,93,111,1938,1937,4,1193,1397,67,169,433,1278,2,64,714,1771,719,695,718,716,717,104,1762,1869,1840,1939],"class_list":["post-3257","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-editorial","tag-azaleagate","tag-amazon","tag-atlantic-reporters","tag-bluesky","tag-buy-nothing","tag-city-arborist","tag-cnn","tag-co-op","tag-colleen-cordes","tag-comedy","tag-community-vision-for-takoma","tag-cvt","tag-dc-humor","tag-dc-jokes","tag-dc-metro-map","tag-dc-news","tag-dc-politics","tag-dc-satire","tag-disney-plus","tag-dmv","tag-dmv-news","tag-dmv-satire","tag-dod","tag-doge","tag-donald-trump","tag-ebay","tag-elon-musk","tag-facebook","tag-fake-news","tag-federal-government","tag-fox-news","tag-funny","tag-gmail","tag-google-news","tag-historic-takoma","tag-hulu","tag-humor","tag-instagram","tag-jamie-raskin","tag-jeffrey-goldberg","tag-jessica-landman","tag-joke","tag-journalism","tag-laugh","tag-listserv","tag-local-news","tag-local-satire","tag-marc-elrich","tag-maryland","tag-maryland-satire","tag-moco","tag-moco-satire","tag-montgomery-county-satire","tag-netflix","tag-news","tag-nimby","tag-old-town-takoma","tag-otba","tag-parody","tag-pete-hegseth","tag-political-satire","tag-real-estate-takoma-park","tag-reddit","tag-redfin-takoma-park","tag-roger-schlegel","tag-satire","tag-satirical-news","tag-signal","tag-signal-war-chat","tag-takoma","tag-takoma-government","tag-takoma-humor","tag-takoma-junction","tag-takoma-library","tag-takoma-metro","tag-takoma-news","tag-takoma-park","tag-takoma-park-city-council","tag-takoma-park-facebook-group","tag-takoma-park-humor","tag-takoma-park-news","tag-takoma-park-police","tag-takoma-park-satire","tag-takoma-satire","tag-takoma-satirical-news","tag-takoma-torch","tag-talisha-searcy","tag-tariff","tag-tiktok","tag-war-chat","wpcat-20-id"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/takomatorch.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/773ef2a5-c9e4-4880-8562-c2eaadaa24ea4805943716993665071.png?fit=1080%2C1080&ssl=1","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/paPZSG-Qx","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3257","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3257"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3257\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3258,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3257\/revisions\/3258"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3256"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3257"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3257"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3257"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}