{"id":3243,"date":"2025-03-15T08:37:47","date_gmt":"2025-03-15T12:37:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/2025\/03\/15\/democrat-dog-assumes-guilt-for-maga-cat-destroying-house\/"},"modified":"2025-03-15T08:52:15","modified_gmt":"2025-03-15T12:52:15","slug":"democrat-dog-assumes-guilt-for-maga-cat-destroying-house","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/2025\/03\/15\/democrat-dog-assumes-guilt-for-maga-cat-destroying-house\/","title":{"rendered":"Democrat Dog Assumes Guilt for MAGA Cat Destroying House"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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WASHINGTON, DC \u2014 Local dog Bark Shoomer is cowering in the corner after his housemate cat, Feline Musk, completely destroyed their house, leaving Shoomer afraid that their owner will return and assume it was somehow his fault.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

According to security camera footage, Feline Musk was seen aggressively knocking over lamps, clawing holes in curtains, and dragging a dead rat onto the carpet before coolly sitting down and licking his paws. Shoomer, despite standing in the corner not having lifted a paw, immediately started shaking in fear.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“I know I did nothing wrong, but I just know my human is going to be very mad,\u201d Shoomer said, nervously chewing on his own tail. \u201cMaybe if I had barked louder or chased him out of the kitchen, this wouldn\u2019t have happened. Oh god, they\u2019re going to think this is all my fault.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When confronted, Feline Musk smugly began cleaning himself before vomiting on the kitchen floor and casually walking away. \u201cI mean, technically the dog is responsible,\u201d said Musk while laying down for an afternoon nap. \u201cHe\u2019s the one letting me create chaos. If he didn\u2019t want me to destroy everything, he should\u2019ve stopped me. That\u2019s practically an endorsement of my behavior.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Despite being the clear victim, Shoomer immediately held a press conference in the living room to take full responsibility for the disaster. \u201cI know the cat tore down the curtains and knocked over the potted plant,\u201d said Shoomer from inside his crate. \u201cBut in order to prevent him from doing this again, I plan to find common ground by giving him all of my chew toys and my bed. Perhaps that will change his behavior.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Animal experts say this behavior is not unusual. \u201cDogs, especially Democratic breeds, have a deeply ingrained instinct to assume guilt and seek compromise,\u201d said Dr. Harry Snoutman, a political veterinarian. \u201cMeanwhile, Republican cats have mastered the art of strategic destruction, knowing the dog will clean it up and apologize afterward.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At press time, Shoomer was seen offering Feline Musk his dinner and agreeing to support Musk\u2019s proposal to scratch up the entire couch next time, just to keep the peace.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

WASHINGTON, DC \u2014 Local dog Bark Shoomer is cowering in the corner after his housemate cat, Feline Musk, completely destroyed their house, leaving Shoomer afraid that their owner will return and assume it was somehow his fault. According to security camera footage, Feline Musk was seen aggressively knocking over lamps, clawing holes in curtains, and…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3242,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[114,1903,1808,1918,516,95,482,1009,1101,551,24,1919,77,970,1130,1888,996,373,749,370,140,1899,1897,1668,489,371,979,1273,340,141,1387,1789,537,1593,40,189,640,638,1733,1914,339,6,581,94,98,542,1920,93,111,1898,1397,1278,2,1771,719,718,716,104,164,1109,599,1840,1867,38,615,374,369],"class_list":["post-3243","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lifestyle","tag-amazon","tag-apple-tv","tag-bluesky","tag-chuck-schumer","tag-cnn","tag-comedy","tag-dc","tag-dc-humor","tag-dc-news","tag-dc-politics","tag-dc-satire","tag-democrats","tag-disney-plus","tag-dmv-news","tag-dmv-satire","tag-doge","tag-donald-trump","tag-ebay","tag-elon-musk","tag-facebook","tag-fake-news","tag-fed-workers","tag-federal-government","tag-fox-news","tag-funny","tag-gmail","tag-google-news","tag-house-of-representatives","tag-hulu","tag-humor","tag-instagram","tag-joke","tag-local-news","tag-local-satire","tag-maga","tag-maryland","tag-maryland-satire","tag-moco-satire","tag-montgomery-county-satire","tag-musk","tag-netflix","tag-news","tag-onion","tag-parody","tag-political-satire","tag-reddit","tag-republicans","tag-satire","tag-satirical-news","tag-shutdown","tag-takoma-humor","tag-takoma-news","tag-takoma-park","tag-takoma-park-humor","tag-takoma-park-news","tag-takoma-park-satire","tag-takoma-satire","tag-takoma-torch","tag-takomatorch","tag-tesla","tag-the-onion","tag-tiktok","tag-trade-war","tag-twitter","tag-washington-dc","tag-yahoo","tag-youtube","wpcat-15-id"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/takomatorch.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/takoma-torch-dog-cat9210615481811913041.jpg?fit=481%2C316&ssl=1","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/paPZSG-Qj","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3243","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3243"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3243\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3244,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3243\/revisions\/3244"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3242"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3243"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3243"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3243"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}