{"id":3214,"date":"2025-02-03T13:31:25","date_gmt":"2025-02-03T18:31:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/2025\/02\/03\/canadians-for-first-time-in-history-not-soory\/"},"modified":"2025-02-03T13:38:55","modified_gmt":"2025-02-03T18:38:55","slug":"canadians-for-first-time-in-history-not-soory","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/2025\/02\/03\/canadians-for-first-time-in-history-not-soory\/","title":{"rendered":"Canadians, For First Time in History, Not Soory"},"content":{"rendered":"
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OTTAWA \u2014 In an unprecedented break from centuries-old national tradition, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, known for his polite diplomacy, shocked the world at a press conference Monday when he announced retaliatory tariffs against the U.S. and, in a stunning move, didn\u2019t even say \u201csoory.”  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThis is an attack on our great nation, our great industries, and most importantly, our great poutine,\u201d Trudeau declared, adjusting his perfectly coiffed hair. \u201cSo, in response, we are slapping a 25% tariff on American bourbon, denim, and Florida oranges. Maybe this will teach those hosers a thing or two aboot diplomacy.\u201d\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Political analysts note this is the first time in recorded history that Canadians have expressed open defiance without immediately offering someone a Timbit as an apology. \u201cI was gonna say \u2018soory,\u2019 but nah,\u201d said Toronto resident Kevin MacAllister. \u201cNot after they messed with our Tim Hortons supply chain, eh.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Foreign Affairs Minister M\u00e9lanie Joly confirmed that Canada has no intention of backing down to Donald Trump\u2019s sweeping 25% tariffs on Canadian imports. \u201cWe\u2019re also considering a surcharge on American items such as peanut butter, bourbon, and whatever it is that passes for maple syrup down there.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Trump fired back on Truth Social, calling Canada \u201cTHE MOST DISRESPECTFUL PLACE ON EARTH!!!\u201d and adding, \u201cCanada was way better when they were nice. Now they\u2019re just WOKE with their Universal Healthcare and DEI Hockey Teams!! I like countries that weren’t captured by the British!!!\u201d\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

As tensions rise, U.S.-Canada relations teeter on the edge of a full-scale trade war\u2014one that might only be resolved through history\u2019s most aggressive game of curling.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

OTTAWA \u2014 In an unprecedented break from centuries-old national tradition, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, known for his polite diplomacy, shocked the world at a press conference Monday when he announced retaliatory tariffs against the U.S. and, in a stunning move, didn\u2019t even say \u201csoory.”  \u201cThis is an attack on our great nation, our great industries,…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3213,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[1605,114,1808,1881,1870,1865,1868,516,95,1860,482,1009,1251,1113,1101,551,24,77,969,970,1130,996,373,749,1826,1880,370,140,1668,489,680,371,368,979,1878,340,141,1882,1879,1877,1789,490,1871,1807,537,1593,1876,40,1873,189,993,640,1866,1351,638,1755,1733,339,1464,6,94,98,162,298,542,93,111,1397,2,1771,719,718,104,1869,1863,1109,599,1840,1874,1875,1867,1858,1872,42,1864,1822,38,523,967,1261,615,1550,374,369],"class_list":["post-3214","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-business","tag-2024-election","tag-amazon","tag-bluesky","tag-border-control","tag-canada","tag-canadian-tariffs","tag-china-tariffs","tag-cnn","tag-comedy","tag-congress","tag-dc","tag-dc-humor","tag-dc-jokes","tag-dc-metro-map","tag-dc-news","tag-dc-politics","tag-dc-satire","tag-disney-plus","tag-dmv","tag-dmv-news","tag-dmv-satire","tag-donald-trump","tag-ebay","tag-elon-musk","tag-email","tag-exports","tag-facebook","tag-fake-news","tag-fox-news","tag-funny","tag-gas-prices","tag-gmail","tag-google","tag-google-news","tag-higher-costs","tag-hulu","tag-humor","tag-immigration","tag-imports","tag-inflation","tag-joke","tag-jokes","tag-justin-trudeau","tag-laugh","tag-local-news","tag-local-satire","tag-lumber-prices","tag-maga","tag-maple-syrup","tag-maryland","tag-maryland-news","tag-maryland-satire","tag-mexico-tariffs","tag-moco-news","tag-moco-satire","tag-montgomery-county-news","tag-montgomery-county-satire","tag-netflix","tag-new-york-times","tag-news","tag-parody","tag-political-satire","tag-politics","tag-qanon","tag-reddit","tag-satire","tag-satirical-news","tag-takoma-humor","tag-takoma-park","tag-takoma-park-humor","tag-takoma-park-news","tag-takoma-park-satire","tag-takoma-torch","tag-tariff","tag-tariffs","tag-tesla","tag-the-onion","tag-tiktok","tag-tim-hortons","tag-timbits","tag-trade-war","tag-treasury","tag-trudeau","tag-trump","tag-trump-tariffs","tag-truthsocial","tag-twitter","tag-usa","tag-virginia-satire","tag-wapo","tag-washington-dc","tag-woke","tag-yahoo","tag-youtube","wpcat-9-id"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/takomatorch.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/02\/copyofcopyofcopyofcopyofcopyofcopyofcopyofcopyofcopyofcop_20250203_132042_0000106418282828561514.jpg?fit=1080%2C715&ssl=1","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/paPZSG-PQ","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3214","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3214"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3214\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3215,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3214\/revisions\/3215"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3213"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3214"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3214"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3214"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}