{"id":3122,"date":"2024-11-21T16:19:31","date_gmt":"2024-11-21T21:19:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/?p=3122"},"modified":"2024-11-21T16:19:38","modified_gmt":"2024-11-21T21:19:38","slug":"fox-news-rushes-to-hire-matt-gaetz-before-anyone-else-grabs-him","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/2024\/11\/21\/fox-news-rushes-to-hire-matt-gaetz-before-anyone-else-grabs-him\/","title":{"rendered":"Fox News Rushes to Hire Matt Gaetz Before Anyone Else Grabs Him"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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NEW YORK, NY \u2014 In a move that surprised absolutely no one, Fox News has fast-tracked its recruitment of former congressman Matt Gaetz (R-FL) after his resignation from Congress and subsequent withdrawal as Trump’s pick for Attorney General after fresh allegations surfaced suggesting he paid for sex with 17-year-olds – claims he insists are “totally fake news, except the parts that aren’t.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The network, known for turning scandal-plagued politicians into primetime stars, sees Gaetz as a natural fit for their brand. \u201cWe could not be more excited – he\u2019s everything we look for in a host,\u201d said one Fox News executive. \u201cHe\u2019s controversial, he\u2019s polarizing, and he\u2019s the perfect combination of morally compromised and creepy-looking. We see him as Tucker Carlson meets a sexist MAGA frat boy.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fox\u2019s urgency to hire Gaetz reportedly stems from fears that another network might scoop him up first. \u201cWe are pulling out all the stops, and honestly, it won’t be easy,\u201d said Sean Hannity. \u201cWe heard that a much younger Newsmax was also interested in him, and we all know how young he likes ’em.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Gaetz, meanwhile, is said to be interviewing for other career positions that align well with his qualifications, including President of University of Florida State’s Pi Kappa Alpha Fraternity, NAMBLA Chair, and Archbishop of the Roman Catholic Diocese of Orlando.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Critics have pointed out that Gaetz\u2019s legal troubles make him a risky hire, but Fox News seems unbothered. \u201cIf we can make people forget about Bill O\u2019Reilly and Rupert Murdoch’s settlements, we can make them forget about this,\u201d the executive shrugged.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At press time, Gaetz was reportedly demanding a salary paid exclusively in Bitcoin and VIP passes to Mar-a-Lago, \u201cjust in case I need an alibi.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

NEW YORK, NY \u2014 In a move that surprised absolutely no one, Fox News has fast-tracked its recruitment of former congressman Matt Gaetz (R-FL) after his resignation from Congress and subsequent withdrawal as Trump’s pick for Attorney General after fresh allegations surfaced suggesting he paid for sex with 17-year-olds – claims he insists are “totally…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3123,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[1434,1101,24,970,1130,140,1668,489,979,161,1789,537,993,640,1351,638,1755,6,94,98,93,111,1278,719,718,716,717,599,42,1680],"class_list":["post-3122","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-national-politics","tag-capitol-hill","tag-dc-news","tag-dc-satire","tag-dmv-news","tag-dmv-satire","tag-fake-news","tag-fox-news","tag-funny","tag-google-news","tag-joe-biden","tag-joke","tag-local-news","tag-maryland-news","tag-maryland-satire","tag-moco-news","tag-moco-satire","tag-montgomery-county-news","tag-news","tag-parody","tag-political-satire","tag-satire","tag-satirical-news","tag-takoma-news","tag-takoma-park-news","tag-takoma-park-satire","tag-takoma-satire","tag-takoma-satirical-news","tag-the-onion","tag-trump","tag-trump-news","wpcat-10-id"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/takomatorch.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/11\/takoma-torch-gaetz.jpg?fit=1024%2C683&ssl=1","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/paPZSG-Om","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3122","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3122"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3122\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3124,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3122\/revisions\/3124"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3123"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3122"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3122"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3122"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}