{"id":3061,"date":"2024-10-26T14:14:17","date_gmt":"2024-10-26T18:14:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/2024\/10\/26\/editorial-the-takoma-torch-also-holds-back-endorsement-of-presidential-candidate-until-billionaire-gives-approval\/"},"modified":"2024-10-26T19:05:11","modified_gmt":"2024-10-26T23:05:11","slug":"editorial-the-takoma-torch-also-holds-back-endorsement-of-presidential-candidate-until-billionaire-gives-approval","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/2024\/10\/26\/editorial-the-takoma-torch-also-holds-back-endorsement-of-presidential-candidate-until-billionaire-gives-approval\/","title":{"rendered":"Editorial: The Takoma Torch Also Holds Back Endorsement of Presidential Candidate Until Billionaire Gives Approval"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

As the editorial staff of The Takoma Torch, we understand the immense responsibility that comes with endorsing a presidential candidate. But as much as we\u2019re itching to give our heartfelt support to\u2026well, you know who\u2026we\u2019ve decided to take a bold stance that\u2019s wholly in line with our stated mission to be truth tellers and hold the powerful accountable: we\u2019ll be withholding our endorsement until a billionaire tells us that he doesn\u2019t object.

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yes, we know there’s someone who is the obvious choice for endorsement. After all, there\u2019s one candidate who has expertise, rationality, empathy, professionalism, and respect for basic principles of democracy, including the free press, and then there\u2019s another guy. But let\u2019s face it, in the high-stakes world of journalism, integrity doesn\u2019t pay the rent, and endorsements need funding.

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Frankly, it\u2019s not easy being a torchbearer of the truth in Takoma Park. Sure, we\u2019d love to champion a candidate who embodies our values on affordable housing, evidence-based policy interventions, and the promotion of equity and inclusion. But if we have to walk away from literally every element of that in order to avoid displeasing the corporate billionaire class, well, that\u2019s a no brainer. We\u2019re sticking with the billionaires, who\u2019ve always had the country\u2019s best interest at heart and will surely reward us for being the loyal foot soldiers of the advancing tide of fascism.

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, we\u2019re waiting. We\u2019re holding out for the comforting pat on the back (and wallet) of a Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk, or some other overly sensitive tech-funded man-baby who will ensure that our endorsement won\u2019t just float in the altruistic ether, but rather, trickle down into the kind of robust ad revenue that keeps our torch lit.

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the meantime, we\u2019ll be practicing saying things like \u201cWe\u2019re proud to endorse\u2026\u201d and \u201cShe\u2019s the obvious choice because\u2026\u201d, but don\u2019t worry, we won\u2019t actually publish any of it without the appropriate billionaire backing. We\u2019re prepared to rally the troops at a moment\u2019s notice, as soon as we see those deep pockets open up.

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Our decision to remain on the sidelines extends to local elections as well, namely Takoma Park’s mayoral race, where the incumbent, Talisha Searcy, is running unopposed. We feel it would be too controversial to pick sides here, as doing so could potentially alienate our developer overlords who fund our truly independent voice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Takoma Park deserves a bold endorsement, but only one that comes with matching financial support. Until then, we remain Switzerland: proudly neutral, deeply hesitant, and, of course, with an untraceable, tax sheltered bank account at the ready.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

As the editorial staff of The Takoma Torch, we understand the immense responsibility that comes with endorsing a presidential candidate. But as much as we\u2019re itching to give our heartfelt support to\u2026well, you know who\u2026we\u2019ve decided to take a bold stance that\u2019s wholly in line with our stated mission to be truth tellers and hold…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3060,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[21],"tags":[1605,403,114,341,1760,516,95,1009,1251,1113,1101,551,24,970,1130,996,373,477,281,749,370,140,1572,489,371,368,280,979,1697,1703,141,113,148,149,993,640,1351,638,1733,6,98,162,93,4,2,147,146,104,1762,42,1260],"class_list":["post-3061","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-editorials","tag-2024-election","tag-affordable-housing","tag-amazon","tag-amazon-prime","tag-cancel-the-washington-post","tag-cnn","tag-comedy","tag-dc-humor","tag-dc-jokes","tag-dc-metro-map","tag-dc-news","tag-dc-politics","tag-dc-satire","tag-dmv-news","tag-dmv-satire","tag-donald-trump","tag-ebay","tag-election-fraud","tag-election-results","tag-elon-musk","tag-facebook","tag-fake-news","tag-free-speech","tag-funny","tag-gmail","tag-google","tag-google-election-results","tag-google-news","tag-harris-vs-trump","tag-harris-walz","tag-humor","tag-jeff-bezos","tag-kamala","tag-kamala-harris","tag-maryland-news","tag-maryland-satire","tag-moco-news","tag-moco-satire","tag-montgomery-county-satire","tag-news","tag-political-satire","tag-politics","tag-satire","tag-takoma","tag-takoma-park","tag-takoma-park-election","tag-takoma-park-mayor","tag-takoma-torch","tag-talisha-searcy","tag-trump","tag-washington-post","wpcat-21-id"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/takomatorch.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/img_20241026_1409291471040949486320457.jpg?fit=2000%2C1500&ssl=1","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/paPZSG-Nn","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3061","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3061"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3061\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3062,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3061\/revisions\/3062"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3060"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3061"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3061"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3061"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}