To the hushed masses of America: The Takoma Torch has borne witness to your reticence on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, and we find ourselves deeply, profoundly disappointed. In this enlightened era, where wisdom is but a tweet away, your silence speaks volumes.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
How, in the vast realm of social media where knowledge is boundless, have you not yet distilled this monumental issue into a succinct status or story? Surely, you must have glimpsed that profound infographic shared by a high school friend, now a self-declared Middle Eastern expert after their enlightening 10-day sojourn to the region.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We, the guardians of moral fortitude, are left to wonder if perhaps you are deliberately ignoring the matter. Are you hiding behind the guise of “seeking diverse viewpoints for a well-rounded perspective”? Or perhaps, in an act of sheer audacity, you’re “lending an ear to the narratives of those directly impacted”?
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Here at the Torch, we recognize the weight of our moral compass. We also understand the duty of modern citizens to encapsulate centuries-old conflicts into bite-sized, unequivocal truths. To tread any other path is simply…uncouth.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To wrap our lament, if you cannot summarize this profound and intricate situation into a catchy, shareable quip, you can eat shit and die. Are you even fit to be on Twitter?
Do better,
The Takoma Torch Team<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
To the hushed masses of America: The Takoma Torch has borne witness to your reticence on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, and we find ourselves deeply, profoundly disappointed. In this enlightened era, where wisdom is but a tweet away, your silence speaks volumes. How, in the vast realm of social media where knowledge is boundless, have you…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[21],"tags":[24,970,1130,489,979,161,490,640,638,1464,581,98,111,718,104,1466,1260],"class_list":["post-2707","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-editorials","tag-dc-satire","tag-dmv-news","tag-dmv-satire","tag-funny","tag-google-news","tag-joe-biden","tag-jokes","tag-maryland-satire","tag-moco-satire","tag-new-york-times","tag-onion","tag-political-satire","tag-satirical-news","tag-takoma-park-satire","tag-takoma-torch","tag-torch","tag-washington-post","wpcat-21-id"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/paPZSG-HF","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2707","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2707"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2707\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2707"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2707"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2707"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}