{"id":2012,"date":"2021-07-25T10:30:35","date_gmt":"2021-07-25T14:30:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/2021\/07\/25\/2022-winter-olympics-will-also-require-women-to-compete-in-bikinis-for-optimal-performance\/"},"modified":"2021-07-25T10:30:35","modified_gmt":"2021-07-25T14:30:35","slug":"2022-winter-olympics-will-also-require-women-to-compete-in-bikinis-for-optimal-performance","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/2021\/07\/25\/2022-winter-olympics-will-also-require-women-to-compete-in-bikinis-for-optimal-performance\/","title":{"rendered":"2022 Winter Olympics Will Also Require Women to Compete in Bikinis for Optimal Performance"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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LAUSANNE, SWITZERLAND – Maintaining the long tradition of oversexualizing and trivializing women\u2019s sports, the International Olympic Committee ruled this week that women athletes competing in the upcoming 2022 Winter Games in Beijing will also be required to wear thong bikini bottoms and crop tops, despite the expected snow, ice and below-freezing temperatures. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Years and years of research have proven that women’s sports are way more competitive when their butt cheeks are outside of the clothing area,” said Pieter Jorgensen, head of the all-male Committee on Appropriate Sports Attire. “Skimpier uniforms enhance agility, are more aerodynamic and improve speed. Except when worn by male athletes. Nobody wants to see that.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The new standards generated immediate protests from competitors on women\u2019s ice hockey, snowboarding and ski jumping teams, all of whom raised concerns about frost bite or the impact of high velocity crashes without the protection offered by fuller coverage uniforms. Jorgensen, however, was unmoved. \u201cPerhaps these ladies just need to toughen up a little,\u201d he said. \u201cWe\u2019re talking about the Winter Olympics, not the Whining Olympics.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jorgensen received support in his announcement from summer sport colleagues at the Beach Volleyball Federation and the International Field Hockey Association. \u201cWomen athletes are always going to complain about uniform regs,\u201d said Beach Volleyball\u2019s Todd Watson. \u201cThey didn\u2019t like it in the 1920\u2019s when they had to wear floor length skirts and long sleeves, and they don\u2019t like it now to wear a thong and a bra top. It\u2019s like they just refuse to be happy.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The US Olympic Committee moved quickly to try out the new uniforms yesterday at its cross-country skiing center. Although the first six competitors across the finish line were all hospitalized for hypothermia, the team\u2019s trainer declared the test a success. \u201cWe\u2019ve certainly never had more spectators show up to watch six hours of cross country skiing training heats,\u201d said Max McCoy. \u201cWe might have to build bleachers if this keeps up.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

LAUSANNE, SWITZERLAND – Maintaining the long tradition of oversexualizing and trivializing women\u2019s sports, the International Olympic Committee ruled this week that women athletes competing in the upcoming 2022 Winter Games in Beijing will also be required to wear thong bikini bottoms and crop tops, despite the expected snow, ice and below-freezing temperatures. “Years and years…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2011,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[756,759,24,762,760,640,638,6,757,98,111,718,104,164,758,765],"class_list":["post-2012","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-sports","tag-2022-winter-olympics","tag-beijing-olympics","tag-dc-satire","tag-female-olympic-dress-code","tag-gold-medal-count","tag-maryland-satire","tag-moco-satire","tag-news","tag-olympics","tag-political-satire","tag-satirical-news","tag-takoma-park-satire","tag-takoma-torch","tag-takomatorch","tag-tokyo-olympics","tag-tokyo-summer-olympics","wpcat-8-id"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/takomatorch.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/68d4c8b5a01e9275e14528467706643f2283818804799171600.jpg?fit=1200%2C802&ssl=1","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/paPZSG-ws","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2012","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2012"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2012\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2011"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2012"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2012"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/takomatorch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2012"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}