Couple Makes Resolution to Eat Remaining Holiday Desserts Before New Year’s Resolution

TAKOMA PARK, MD – Sitting on the couch watching episides of the Mandalorian on their friend’s Disney Plus account, Pete and Gina Zaparti snack on a plate of cookies. With just two days to go before they start their strict New Year’s resolution diet, they are working hard to finish off every last dessert collected over the holidays from friends and family.

“When you think about it, it just makes sense,” explained Gina. “The sooner I eat all of this unhealthy food, the sooner I can get to work becoming healthy. That’s just basic logic.”

The Zapartis are fully prepared to achieve their resolution of shedding some weight and getting healthier in 2020. An unopened box in the corner of the living room contains a brand new Peloton exercise bike that Pete bought for Gina, and the refrigerator is stocked with kale and chia seeds for all of the green juice and protein smoothies Pete plans to make with his new Magic Bullet.

Both have invested heavily in top of the line, high performance workout attire in sizes that are too small today but will definitely fit comfortably and look super fashionable soon. However, the kitchen island is piled high with cookies, brownies, chocolates, and other sugary snacks.

“I’ve probably gained 15 pounds over the past three weeks, and I’ll gain another 2 or 3 before New Years,” mumbled Pete through a mouthful of chocolate truffles. “But the way I see it, I’m just making a better ‘before’ picture.”

Asked why they don’t just skip straight to the planned diet by throwing out or giving away their remaining junk food, Gina scoffed and loaded up a second plate of Baby Yoda-shaped sugar cookies. “That would be so wasteful! Do you have any idea how ridiculous you sound?”

Close
%d bloggers like this: