7,200 Registered Architects Suddenly Emerge From Takoma Park

The Maryland Department of Labor, Licensing, and Regulation (DLLR) became overwhelmed this month as thousands of architects filled their office with license applications – all from Takoma Park, Maryland, a city with only 18,000 residents.

“We’ve never seen anything like it,” stated Susan White, a DLLR employee. “7,200 new architects from one small city? This is more than the entire state!”

Most residents of Takoma Park earned their Architecture degree and passed registration exams many years ago, but decided to pursue more lucrative careers like story telling, folk dancing, and street performing. However, now that a controversial two-story building is replacing a parking lot, they all decided to quit their current practical careers and start their own architecture firms.

“I decided that it was time to put my skills to use,” stated Brad Henry, as he took up an entire eight-person table at a coffee shop to spread out his drawings. “I’ve spent over 5,000 hours arguing about the proposed development on Facebook, which somehow fulfilled all of my internship requirements. I’m now an expert in commercial mixed-use retail buildings.”

“Since I started my own architecture firm, I’m finally feeling respected,” stated Michelle Connors while posing for a photograph by pointing in the air at random things. “Now when I argue about the Takoma Junction project, I simply add ‘I know, because I’m an architect,’ and I win.”

The Montgomery County Historic Preservation Committee (HPC) also had to delay it’s selection of two new commissioners due to in influx of applications from Takoma Park.

“It took a long time to go through all of these applications,” stated Rebeccah Green of HPC. “Luckily, most were disqualified when listing qualifications such as attending city council hearings and watching HGTV or This Old House.”

The recent flood of new architects has also affected the local businesses climate. Black clothes have been flying off the shelves, and circular Le Corbusier-style glasses are on backorder. Folks around town are also super annoyed by the constant use of words like “juxtaposition,” “aesthetically-pleasing,” and “fenestration.”

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